


Trapped In His Own Mind

by Cartoonygirl



Series: Trapped in His Own Mind [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, also mentions of death, and loneliness, just be careful, just be warned and be careful, nothing too violent, self hate warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 12:12:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11058723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartoonygirl/pseuds/Cartoonygirl
Summary: The squip takes over Jeremy's mind. Nobody realizes the problem's true source, or even the problem... except for Michael.





	1. An introduction to the hell that has become Jeremy's life

Jeremy Heere was not okay.

He'd almost gotten his school taken over by a computer last month, he still had a slightly rocky relationship with his best friend, and now his girlfriend had dumped him (though it wasn't really so much her fault). But that wasn't what Jeremy was most upset about.

He felt out of place. Now he wasn't a nerd, but he wasn't popular, either. He was just... Jeremy. And this is what he was telling Michael as they walked into the cafeteria.

"Jeremy, you fit in fine, trust me," Michael promised. "You fit in better than me." He added quietly. That was another thing that Jeremy hated. He'd broken his best friend. He was  _scared_ of being alone now. He felt like an outsider, and it was all Jeremy's fault.

No. It was the squip's fault. But Jeremy had taken the squip, hadn't he? Didn't he say those things to Michael all by his own choice? Wasn't he the reason that nobody really trusted him? It  _was_ his fault. He was a horrible person.

Jeremy would have kept overthinking things, but a ringing noise in his ears stopped him.

"Jeremy? You okay?" Michael asked, looking at his best friend with concern. The ringing got louder. Sharper. Violent. "Jeremy!" Michael shouted. Jeremy was on the floor, clawing at his arms. Michael had to grab his hands to stop him.

"Jeremy! Can you hear me?" Michael screamed. Jeremy could, barely. But his throat was too dry to reply, his mouth refusing to open. He could barely breathe.

The screaming in Jeremy's head got louder, drowning out Michael's worried questions. Jeremy felt sick. He looked down at the ground. He was kneeling, clutching his head, and the screaming inside of him began to come out of his mouth.

He looked back at Michael. Everything looked weird and fuzzy. It was all the red color of Michael's hoodie. 

Michael's mouth was moving, but Jeremy couldn't hear a thing. Until an all too familiar voice crept into his head.

_Hello again, Jeremy._

"Stop, please!" Jeremy managed to yell, before everything went from red to black.

\---

**6 hours ago**

Jeremy woke up knowing that it would be a bad day before he even stepped out of bed.

He missed his alarm by ten minutes, and had barely any time to get ready before he had to rush to the bus stop. By the time he arrived, he was exhausted. Part from lack of sleep, part from running for fifteen minutes.

"You look like hell. And it's only 6:32," Michael commented when he saw Jeremy. "I think that's a new record."

"Shut- up," Jeremy replied between gasps. "I missed- my- alarm."

"Sorry," Michael mumbled. Jeremy saw the hurt expression on Michael's face and he silently berated himself for saying that.

The bus pulled up, and Jeremy and Michael boarded. Jeremy immediately fell asleep.

Arriving at school, Michael shook Jeremy awake. Jeremy went right over to Christine's locker, because all of his things were in his backpack anyways.

"Hey, Christine," Jeremy greeted his girlfriend.

"Jeremy," Christine turned to face him with a calm look on her face. "we have to break up."

"Oh. Okay," Jeremy couldn't say he was surprised. Just sad. "Why?"

"Jeremy, I'm aro-ace," Christine told him. "I'm sorry. I never really loved you."

"It's alright. I'm happy for you," Jeremy faked a smile.

"I'm glad you understand. We can still be friends?" She said hopefully.

"Of course," Jeremy replied.

The rest of the day, Jeremy tried to be as happy as possible, but thoughts kept on creeping into his head.

_She broke up with you because she hates you. After what you pulled last month? Who could love a person who'd do something so_ horrible _?_

Jeremy felt tears coming as he headed towards the cafeteria, but he held them back. Then he told all of this to Michael.

And then the squip returned.


	2. Jeremy needs help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bolded and italicized text is Jeremy thinking.  
> just italicized is the squip.

Jeremy woke up in the hospital.

Michael was asleep in a chair next to his bed. It looked like he'd been there for days. Other than that, the room was empty. Jeremy's dad was away on a business trip for the next week, and he clearly hadn't been informed of Jeremy's... situation. 

Jeremy tried to say something to Michael, but everything in his body seemed to be... _disconnected_ from his brain. 

_Not so fun when you're not in charge, now is it?_

**_Fuck you._ **

_Hm. Not very polite._

**_I think we're past politeness._ **

_Fair._

**_How did you come back? Why can't I move?_ **

_You kept thinking about disliking yourself. That brings me back to fix it._

**_You're not going to fix anything! I'm fine the way I am._ **

_Of course I won't fix things. I'm going to become you._

**_Bullshit._ **

_Oh, really? Try to do something. Anything._

Jeremy tried to stand. But nothing happened. He tried to move his arm. No response. He couldn't even open his mouth to talk to Michael.

**_This isn't funny._ **

_It isn't supposed to be._

"Jeremy?" Michael mumbled, waking up from his sleep.

_Watch this._

"Michael? What happened?" Jeremy- well, not Jeremy, the squip as Jeremy- asked.

**_What the fuck._ **

_Impressive, right? I've had time to take full control. That's why you've been out for three days._

**_Three days?!_ **

"Jeremy! Thank god, you're okay," Michael smiled. "You passed out. It's been-" He checked his phone- "three days."

"How?" The squip-Jeremy asked.

"I don't know. They think it was an anxiety attack or something," Michael leaned closer. "But I think the squip did something." He whispered.

_If only he knew._

**_Leave Michael alone. Please._ **

_Oh, now you're being polite?_

**_I'm being serious. He didn't do anything._ **

_Well, neither did I._

**_You tried to take over my school!_ **

_You can't prove anything._

"Jeremy? You okay?" Michael questioned worriedly.

"Sorry. I'm fine, just a bit... out of it. I don't think it's the squip. I can't hear him."

Jeremy wanted to scream, to warn Michael that he wasn't talking to who he thought he was talking to. Jeremy could hear the squip loud and clear.

"Michael, you should go get some sleep." The squip-Jeremy said.

"I just woke up."

"You were sleeping in a chair. I mean in a bed. I'll be fine."

**_It's freaky how much you sound like me. Cut it out._ **

_No. I wish I could see the look on his face..._

**_What?_ **

_Right. I disposed of Michael's Mountain Dew Red with the help of another squipped boy. Richard, or something._

**_Rich. His squip is back too?_ **

_Unfortunately no. It has a few basic powers, but that used the last of them. It's gone now._

Jeremy breathed a silent sigh of relief. At least somebody was safe.

\---

That wasn't Jeremy, and Michael knew it. Jeremy had never found sleeping in a chair different from a bed. Jeremy had never seemed so calm talking about the squip. Jeremy had never used the phrase "out of it," ever.

Michael was going home to grab some Mountain Dew Red, and then he was coming right back for Jeremy.

One part of the plan wasn't going to work. Michael saw his last three bottles of Mountain Dew Red spilled out on the porch, the plastic bottles crushed as though they were stepped on.

Michael called his 90's drinks guy, but he wasn't getting in any more Mountain Dew Red until Wednesday. That day was Sunday. Michael told him to keep a bottle for him, and hung up.

He was going to need a better plan.


	3. Back to School

Michael was ready to lock Jeremy into a room. It was safer than to let him roam around, controlled by the squip like a puppet. One the other hand, he didn't have a way to shut the squip down, or anything to use to defend himself if the squip should... attack.

Which was why Jeremy returned the school that Monday, seemingly fine.

But Michael knew that wasn't Jeremy. It looked like Jeremy. It acted like Jeremy. It _was_ Jeremy, just not really.

Michael needed to do some research. And fast.

\---

Jeremy said he felt fine, but he did not. Not at all. He was trapped inside of his own mind, no way to communicate with anyone else. And he still had to go to school.

_I can't wait to meet your friends, Jeremy._

**_I don't have any._ **

_I'll fix that._

**_Sure you will._ **

_Stop being so upset. You'll come to like this in time._

**_Over my dead fucking body._ **

_That can be arranged._

**_Are you threatening me?_ **

_If you act up._

**_Fuck you._ **

_Not too creative, huh?_

**_It's six in the morning, leave me alone._ **

_Fine._

"Jeremy!" Michael yelled, running over to join him. Jeremy wanted to tell him. Michael deserved to know what was going on. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay, Michael, really." Squip-Jeremy brushed Michael off, and Jeremy wanted to cry.

**_You can't do this to him again._ **

_Who's going to stop me?_

**_I will._ **

_You don't scare me._

_**That doesn't make me less capable.**  
_

_I think it does._

\---

Michael kept repeating the same three words to himself all day.

_It's not Jeremy._

After Jeremy left him in the hall.

_It's not Jeremy._

After he ditched him at lunch.

_It's not Jeremy._

After he walked home alone, when he usually went with Michael.

_It's not Jeremy._

But it could be. It could be, and it felt like it was. And while he tried to fix Jeremy, he had to fix himself, too. He had to stop making Jeremy his whole life. He had to be his own person. But it kept nagging at him.

He didn't want to be alone again.


	4. Wednesday

The past few days had been hell for Michael. He'd been alone. Completely and totally. Jeremy wasn't there. He did have Christine, Rich, and Brooke to talk to- they were his friends, too- but they were busy all the time. Michael was often left on his own.

To add insult to injury, Jeremy seemed to only get more social. He talked to people that Michael had never even seen, he was laughing and friendly with them. Michael missed having a relationship like that.

He just had to wait until after school. Keep his hopes up.

_It isn't Jeremy._

The more he said it, the less he believed it.

\---

The past few days had been hell for Jeremy. The squip wouldn't let him do anything. He was with people he didn't know all the time, never able to see the people he actually cared about.

Never able to see Michael. Or Christine. Or Rich. Or anyone even slightly familiar. It was all a blur. 

It was January, and Jeremy felt "new year, new me" a little too much. It was time to fight back.

At home, Jeremy tried to get any control he could. He eventually managed to move his arm, and that was progress. But barely. 

_What do you think you're doing?_

**_Nothing._ **

_You're lying._

**_Maybe._ **

_I don't have time for liars._

Jeremy felt a shock, and he jumped.

**_I'm not lying!_ **

_If you aren't, then why did you just move your arm?_

**_I don't know._ **

_Jeremy, I have control of you. I can get rid of you when I please._

Jeremy did not like the sound of that. Not at all. He grabbed his phone, fear giving him back control for the first time.

He texted Michael, quickly, knowing he didn't have time. Not enough time.

"squip wants me dead" was all he could type and send before the squip stopped him.

_You're done for._

**_I know._ **

Jeremy accepted his fate. It was too late to do anything now.

\---

Michael was at the mall, holding a bottle of Red Mountain Dew like it was precious. In a way, it was. He had to get to Jeremy's house as soon as possible and put everything back to the way it was.

That was when Michael received a text. "squip wants me dead" from... Jeremy. 

That was not good. That was never good, when something wanted you dead. Michael had to get back to Jeremy, and fast.

As he drove to Jeremy's house, he realized that it was snowing.


	5. Too Late

The meteorologists called it the blizzard of the century. That was all the squip needed. Cold.

Jeremy, still inside his mind, saw himself leave his empty house. He watched his legs walk, far out, into the snowy, empty fields. He felt his body sit softly in the snow.

_Now we wait._

Jeremy could only silently scream as a blizzard raged around him.

\---

Michael wasn't the smartest, but he could put two and two together. The squip wanted Jeremy out of the picture. A blizzard could kill people. It was an obvious plan.

He didn't even bother going to Jeremy's house. He wouldn't be there. Michael went to his own house. He hid the Mountain Dew Red, and grabbed a jacket. Then he headed out into the blizzard.

It was cold, and a slow walk, and Michael couldn't see a thing. But he went on.

He just had to keep going. One foot forward. One step at a time.

\---

Jeremy sat, his knees in front of him. He stared at his hands. They weren't shaking. The squip knew that shaking would keep Jeremy alive longer. The tips of his fingers were blue, and it was spreading fast. Snowflakes were landing on his arms, on his head, in his hair. He wished he had a coat or even just gloves. A t-shirt and jeans wouldn't keep anyone alive in this weather.

**_Why are you doing this?_ **

_Jeremy. You know why. You're too set on stopping me to do me any good. With you gone, squips can spread. People won't buy a squip if somebody warns them._

**_I won't tell anyone. Please. Let me go home._ **

_Empty words._

**_Please. Please._ **

_You don't deserve it._

Jeremy cried. The tears froze over. Things were getting worse.

\---

"JEREMY!" Michael called, his voice shaky and scared. "PLEASE, ANSWER ME!"

He heard no reply.

He kept going. Jeremy was out there.

He had to save him.

\---

Jeremy begged his eyes to stay open. He begged his head to stay up. He begged his body to resist all human instincts to fall asleep. Once he fell asleep, he would never wake up.

"JEREMY!" It was faint. So distant that Jeremy almost didn't hear it.

Almost. 

The squip wouldn't speak. It was still holding him there, unable to leave, but Jeremy knew it wasn't as in control as it once was. He had one shot.

"MICHAEL!" He screamed. "I'M OVER HERE!" The squip silenced him, but the damage had been done.

_Shutdown._

Jeremy slipped away into darkness.

\---

"I'M OVER HERE!" Michael heard Jeremy, and he ran. Toward the sound of his voice. He couldn't be too late. He _wouldn't_  be too late.

Finally, he spotted something. A figure in the distance. Not moving. But there.

Michael moved towards it.

It was Jeremy.

"JEREMY!" Michael cried out in relief. Then he realized why Jeremy wasn't moving.

He slipped off his coat. Even though he was freezing, he wrapped Jeremy up in it. He was a light shade of blue. That was never a good thing, ever.

Michael took out his phone. He dialed three numbers, and he told them everything. Then he waited, the snow blowing around him like a warning.

 _Don't freeze._ It said.

Too little. Too late.


	6. The Hospital

For the second time that week, Jeremy woke up in the hospital. Only this time, Michael wasn't asleep in a chair waiting for him. He was in the other hospital bed.

"Michael. Michael, are you ok?" Jeremy sat up. 

"Jeremy?" Michael slowly opened his eyes. "I'm fine."

"Oh, thank god. Michael, I'm so, so, sorry," Jeremy sobbed.

"Not your fault," Michael mumbled. "It was the squip. Speaking of, where is it?"

"I think it's gone, but I don't know... how..." Jeremy spotted an empty bottle of Mountain Dew Red on the floor. "Michael? Did you bring that?"

"No. The last thing I remember is finding you."

"I brought it. Michael left it in his house." Jeremy turned around to see who had entered the room. "Christine? How did you-"

"It was pretty clear. You were acting how you did in December." Christine explained. "I heard that you were both in the hospital from Jenna. It didn't take long to figure out why. I found the Red Mountain Dew and I brought it here to you. I managed to get you to drink enough to deactivate the squip."

"Thank you, Christine." Jeremy smiled, hugging her. "You're the best."

"Don't mention it. I have to go. Be safe, guys." Christine took a last worried glance at the two teens before leaving the room.

Jeremy took a breath.

"So... about what happened-"

"Don't talk about it. I don't need to know." Michael sighed. Then he sneezed.

"You're sick."

"You noticed."

"I'm sorry."

"I know I said not to talk about it, but I have to ask- why were you alone, outside, in a t-shirt, in the middle of a blizzard?" Michael stared at Jeremy, as though he could find the answer in Jeremy's tired eyes.

"You saw the text. Take a guess." 

"I'm sorry."

"Why? It wasn't your fault at all."

"I know. But I'm sorry that you went through that."

"I deserved it." Jeremy thought back to the squip's words. He felt tears streaming down his face.

"No, Jeremy..." Michael hugged his best friend tightly. "You didn't deserve it. Any of it."

"Yes, I did. I've been a horrible friend and a horrible person all year." The tears were faster, and Jeremy was sobbing.

"That wasn't you." Michael finally said. "It was the squip."

Jeremy only sobbed, clinging to Michael. Jeremy felt teardrops on his shoulder and realized that Michael was crying, too.

"I love you, Michael Mell."

"I love you too, Jeremy Heere."


	7. Epilogue

Jeremy knew that everything had changed. Christine and Michael were keeping a closer eye on Jeremy, though Jeremy had told them many times that the squip was gone. They didn't believe him. They saw how much some things could hurt. They knew that the squip itself was gone, but its effects were not. 

Michael and Jeremy started dating a few days after the "blizzard incident," as they called it. It wasn't something they talked about much, though. They wanted to move past that, and slowly they did.

Otherwise, things went back to the way they were. Jeremy still wasn't a nerd or a popular kid.

He was just Jeremy. 

And he was fine with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might write a dark ending for this sooooooooo be warned


End file.
